It’s Me, I’m The Problem: On Acceptance

Guest Author: Jesutomiwa Salam

Years ago, I stumbled upon the concept of the stages of grief; it’s a common framework that outlines the emotional cycles people often go through in times of sorrow: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and ultimately, Acceptance. I’ve been thinking about acceptance a lot lately, and how it also applies to the struggle some of us face in coming to terms with misfortunes resulting from our previous actions.

I think the reason a lot of us tend to have this struggle is because of this strange assumption that everything needs to happen a certain way for us to ever reach our true potential in life. It’s a way of thinking that becomes comparatively worse for those prone to over-analysing things; for an overthinker, that assumption is amplified by a deep-seated fear of failure, a belief that the moment you fail at something, you’ll never have the chance to succeed at it again.

To clarify, my main focus here isn’t on those those who have a few bad days here and there; it’s more towards people who have refused to heal and move on because of mistakes they’ve made in the past; it’s for the people who have chosen to stay back because they’re scared to repeat the same pattern and make the same mistake in the future.

Learn to Forgive Yourself

So here’s what I think helps: learn to forgive yourself, and do so often. We oftentimes are so quick to show grace to others and yet we’re quick to judge ourselves. A key thing you have to realize is that most things aren’t in your control except your own attitude and resolve. You have to make a commitment to be your own greatest motivator; in the words of the great Kanu Nwankwo from the popular Peak advert of the early 2000s, you have to “be determined to never give up.”

Growth starts from acceptance, it starts from you sitting down, looking at yourself in the mirror and saying “it’s okay, you can heal now”.

I’ll conclude with a song we sang often in children’s church that I remember every now and then when I feel like I’ve made another irredeemable mistake:

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know, He holds my future

My life is worth living just because He lives

I think it’s really helpful to think this way. You ought to recognize that your life really is in God’s hands, it’s not determined by any mistake or circumstance or person. You still have countless chances ahead, the story is never over.

That sums up the core of my journal entries from the past year. I sincerely hope that these reflections inspire you to embark on your own journey of self-healing and growth, to move forward, and to be keep being kind and patient, relying on God’s plan as you navigate through life.