I just finished reading Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Language”(it’s a super enlightening book!) and in a particular chapter titled “Loving the Unlovely”, Dr. Chapman shares the story of a woman and it is that story that inspired today’s article. To summarise, a woman comes to him (Dr. Chapman) for marriage counseling with one of her biggest problems being that her husband was a really difficult person, so difficult in fact that he had refused to accompany her for counseling, insisting that their marriage problems was all the woman’s fault. There is a lot more to this story so you may need to read it yourself to fully understand but Dr. Chapman draws her attention to Luke chapter six emphasizing on verses 27-28 and 31-32. In these Bible passages, Jesus talks about loving our enemies, doing good to those who hate us, and treating people the same way we would like to be treated. We realize quickly that these things are easy to read but difficult to practice.
This is where I’m going to end the story, the woman reads these verses with Dr. Chapman and listens to the other advice that he gives her and in six months she could see and feel drastic changes in her home. Reading this chapter, I was really happy that things worked out in the end and she didn’t have to go through the pains of divorce but despite my happiness for her, I could not help the question that lingered in my heart, was it fair?
I tried not to entertain the question but it really was in my heart and I could not shake it off. Is it fair for us to love people who are just so unlovely, who despise us, who are mean to us, who treat us like we are below them or who continue to hurt us over and over again? These questions weighed me down because I didn’t want to love someone like that, I wanted to give that person as much hurt as they were giving me, I would want to lash out in anger and vicious words that would sting for eternity, I would want to pay them back. This is because it feels fair, just, right, and equitable to treat them the way they treat me. It feels fair for them to experience the same pain they have made me go through because anything less feels like I’m letting them off the hook, it feels like I’m telling them how they treated me was okay.
I didn’t even realize I needed or particularly wanted an answer to my questions but that is the cool thing about being friends with the Only Wise God, He reveals things to you that you could never grasp or accept on your own. I can’t remember where I was when the answer came, either in church or during my personal devotion, but I suddenly had an understanding of this dilemma. Over 2000 years ago, Jesus arrived on planet earth to begin His redemption work, He was hurt by friends because He was flesh and blood like the rest of us and thus understood that kind of betrayal that can keep you reeling for years. But maybe more difficult, is that as He hung on the cross dying for the sins of mankind, He could see all of us down the line. He could see the people that would make mockery of his sacrifice, people that would kill His friends, people that would commit terrible atrocities in His name and people that would betray Him over and over again, and somehow He still chose to die for them.
I’m one of those people, I’ve dealt blow after blow to this Person who has done nothing but love me. I have gone contrary to His teachings, I’ve chosen other things above Him and I have been so unlovely to love. What is it the fair thing? Isn’t it for Him to pay me back? But if He did that I wouldn’t still be alive. Okay what other thing do we do when we’re hurt, is it not to draw back from the one who hurt us and never have anything to do with them again? Well if He did that, I would be lost today. And so my friends, this is the answer I got, I of course did not want to accept it but this truth is so humbling that I could not turn away from it.
This article is in no way advocating that you stay in an abusive relationship or remain in a toxic environment, you should seek help if you’re in such a situation. Rather it simply just wants to shine a light on the less romantic side of love. Did you know that love is a choice? I’m grateful for this definition because it tells me that love can remain even when feelings are gone. When Jesus tells us to love our ‘enemies’, I’m sure He did not mean we should have mushy feelings towards them, He meant that our actions should express love. Joyce Meyer, a great preacher of the gospel, was sexually molested by her father as a child and while she had every reason to hate him, she chose to forgive and let go. You would think that was the most difficult thing she had to do but God laid it on her heart to take care of her parents when they got old. She shares that she did not particularly have familial feelings but she treated them wonderfully and that was her expressing love.
We don’t have to feel great about people who hurt us but we can choose to act in a way that represents love for them. Is it fair? Probably not. But love is truly the answer, it is the only way we’ll ever truly be happy and free from the hurts done to us. Imagine if the woman in our story had chosen bitterness, she and her children would have been victims of divorce instead of having the happy home she had at the end or what if Joyce Meyer had refused to show love to her parents, her father probably wouldn’t have given his life to Jesus as he eventually did and maybe Joyce Meyer wouldn’t have the peace and thriving ministry she has today.
Choosing love is always the hardest choice but it is the choice that pays the most. I don’t know if the human mind is able to comprehend or make such a choice. As a Christian, it is God’s humbling love for me that motivates me to love others even when it is hard, so in case you want to let go of bitterness and experience the peace that comes with choosing love, I encourage you to accept Christ today. Just say;
Lord Jesus, I thank you for choosing to die for me even when you knew I would reject you. I ask that you would come into my life today and make it your home and help me to choose love as you did. Thank you Jesus for accepting me. In Jesus name. Amen.
Congratulations! You’re now a born again Christian, yep it is as simple as that. Go to any Bible believing church near you and share your story and get ready to start living the changed life. I love you all!