Did you know that self-esteem is simply the opinion you have about yourself? I think that is a really cool definition. It also refers to your sense of self-worth or personal value. I do not doubt that self-esteem is something we all battle with sometimes and that is totally normal as there are countless situations and circumstances that cause us to re-evaluate who we are and when we deem ourselves lacking, our self-esteem takes a hit.
But self-esteem issues can go deeper than just a few “down days”, it can go beyond just being disappointed in ourselves for not reacting well in a particular situation, it may influence how we view ourselves every day. Maybe self-esteem wouldn’t be such a big deal except for the fact that it is crucial in the way we relate to others and the way we think about ourselves. The way we think about ourselves shapes our entire life, it determines the way we function and can even determine if we are able to fulfill God’s calling in our lives. Self-esteem ranges from body positivity to people-pleasing and from anger to negative thoughts. If you feel any of the above applies to you, you may want to draw closer.
Like I said, it’s perfectly normal to doubt yourselves sometimes but if it is to the point that you feel you hate yourself then something has to be done about it. One of the first steps is to realize that you’re not a superhuman or a subhuman, you’re simply human. I got this quote from Pastor Robert Morris in his teaching series “Perfect or Perfected?” It spoke deeply to me because as a person I know I’ve had to contend with struggles regarding self-esteem. From battling body image in secondary school to questioning my ability to be a leader in the university, I’ve been through it all.
One thing I’ve realized is that how we see ourselves can adversely affect our relationships. In secondary school a friend told me she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore because I got angry too much, in university I had to constantly apologise to some of my friends because I kept snapping at them. All this is traced to encounters when I feel “less than” or when I feel insecure and in order to shield myself or stop myself from feeling that way, I almost always respond with anger.
We discover that it is when people have a negative opinion about us that we secretly agree with, that we tend to have a stronger response about it than normal. Your reaction may not be anger, it may be sadness, negative thoughts of unworthiness or self-harm or jealously. Whatever it is, low self-esteem moments can manifest itself in different ways. I could tell you stories upon stories to exemplify this point but I don’t think that kind of word count even exists, lol. What I will say though is that the key to taking control of your self-esteem is to recognize the areas where you struggle and begin to take proactive and intentional steps to overcome it.
Firstly, you should differentiate between what is true and what isn’t. For instance, it is very untrue that everybody is better than you. I believe nobody is better than anyone, we all have what makes us unique and no one’s value is higher or less.
Another thing is to combat negative thoughts of self-doubt and fear with positive or “truth” thoughts. When any thought of self-loathing comes up, remind yourself of the truth and don’t let negativity overwhelm you.
Don’t be too sensitive. While it is true that people can say hurtful things, sometimes they’re really saying “helpful” things and we have to listen so we can get the best and change whatever needs to be changed for the best. Take deep breaths, trace where your struggles come from; is it a childhood issue or did you pick it up as you went along your life?, be willing to forgive yourself because you’re simply human and you WILL make mistakes, be vulnerable with people and you can explain your struggles to them and they may have a way for you to overcome it.
But the most reliable suggestion I can give you is to take it God. God is used to dealing with people who struggle with self-esteem and nothing you say or are going through can faze Him. Moses spent two chapters of the bible arguing with God about why he wasn’t the man for the job due to a speech impediment and other factors, Gideon was fearful and yet he is referred to as a mighty man of valour. We all have struggles and things in our lives that we are not proud of but if we give it to God, He’ll make something beautiful out of it.
We can’t ignore these things because it will only cause more hurt in our lives and may irreparably damage our relationships. I don’t think any of us will ever get to the place where we’re totally free from insecurities here on earth but God promises to make us into the image of Christ Jesus every day and take us from one increasing level of glory to another. Isn’t that wonderful! Give it to God no matter what it is and just ask Him to help you and He will.
I’m still a work in progress but walking with God has made the work so much easier because I know what He says concerning me and when thoughts of unworthiness come in any form, I’m quick to respond with who I am in Christ. I pray you are encouraged today and realize that you’re not alone in any struggle you have. It may look a little bit different but we all have “stuff”. I love you all and I pray God changes and works in your life the way He is working in mine!