On Chasing God and Finding Happiness

Lessons from January:

The Bible wasn’t kidding in 1 Corinthians 8:2 when it said (paraphrase) “If any man thinks he knows anything, he must realise that he doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does.” This lesson was a particularly bitter pill to swallow. I, who always like to plan ahead and believe that I have everything meticulously organised, came to a startling realisation this year. I have no idea what I’m doing. I mean I still have plans and goals and things that I desire to accomplish but I cannot say for sure I know which way my life will go. This realisation is both terrifying and humbling. It has made me know that my life is really in God’s hands. I’ve found myself painfully agonising about making the right choices and I’ve come to the conclusion that the Spirit that is in me is my Heavenly Father’s Spirit. When has He ever allowed me to go astray? I bring back to mind those early days when I had not yet learned to walk with the Lord and yet as I look back now, I see how He still led me, how He still guided me, how He always made sure I had a soft landing. In January, I learnt how putting my life in His hands must be a life-long lesson that I must be willing to learn. As the sun dawns on another day, I have dropped all at His feet again, and when tomorrow comes I will do the same. Beloved, I invite you to join me.

It will take bravery to live a life of meaning – we just have to be audacious. I have heard God’s servants repeat this theme severally, even as far back as late last year and I have no doubt that this is a demand straight from the Father’s heart. One of them said the bravery our destiny demands is not the kind we get from hyping or gingering ourselves up. It must come from a place deeper than that. I have resorted to taping scriptures like Joshua 1:9 and 2 Timothy 1:7 in places where I can see them. It is a reflection of my desperation to be clothed in the character of the Spirit, to become something that He says I must be even though I do not feel like it. And so, as I struggle against the fears that seek to hold all of us down, my cry of anguish remains, come for me Holy Ghost.

January, while in a literal sense always represents a fresh start, it is also in many ways the end. For example, I watched family members who had come for the holidays pack up their belongings and one by one began to leave, everyone returning to their real lives. As I have gotten to a season that seems my travelling days are over and I now fully live at home, it was a bit disconcerting to see how empty the house could be when everyone leaves. This January was the first in a really long time that I spent in the same location. It forced me to face some realities and to stand in the shoes of family members who had experienced the same thing. I believe I now understand what parents must feel when all their kids leave. On one hand, it’s great to know everyone is out there facing their destiny and on the other hand, I missed everyone.

Chasing meaning and purpose is an obsession of many and I am not exempted. We all want to matter, we all want our lives to mean something and it will, we both know it will. The question however then becomes what will that look like exactly?

This was already the first point but maybe just for emphasis. Your 20s bring a lot of growing pains and this revolving door of figuring out things. Realising that you don’t have as much figured out as you thought you would.

If asked, I’d describe myself as someone who prefers to avoid complications, in fact, I have perfected my nipping in the bud anything that remotely looks like a complication. But remember what I said about not knowing as much as I did? Yep, I found out that the hard way. I answered a lot of questions this month with an honest “I don’t know” because painfully I really didn’t. In the middle of everything though, I found another demand that the Father was making on my heart. I know we all want to do the right thing but what to do when you don’t know what to do? Or maybe when what to do is just hard.

In January, I found myself staring intently, straining my ears and focusing my heart, all in a bid to catch what God was saying to me. It was a season of “God, open my eyes” and He would later show me that it was also a season of “God, open my heart.”

In January, I heard pretty amazing news and laughed genuine laughter, I saw how life is not always how it seems, and I learnt how easy it is to judge people until you have to stand in their shoes. I learnt no matter how hard you try, there are some complications and hard choices you cannot avoid, I learnt I still have a long way to go, I learnt that you can find love when you are not looking and you can find it when you have stopped looking.

I was going to title this “on chasing happiness” but I realised how futile that would be, to chase happiness. As I said, we don’t really know what we think we do so would we even recognise happiness if we saw it? Us, with our limited ability to see beyond a moment, how could we truly know where our true happiness would eventually lie? It seems more prudent to me to chase the one who knows us, formed us and promises us His eternal goodness. January, as it turns out, was a season where I desperately, and as He helps me, I will continue to desperately find Him out.

I am convinced that it is in chasing God that we can find happiness.

Oba to ni mi,

To da mi,

To mo mi o

(My King that owns me, made me and knows me)

Remember, you can still subscribe here