On Identity and Matthew Perry

Identity. This has arguably been my biggest lesson in 2023 and even though the year is not over yet, I’m fairly confident that there could be no bigger lesson I could learn this year.

In 2023, I learned how easy it is to let the wrong thing define you and I learned that everything could easily be the wrong thing outside of Jesus’ definition. This is because every other thing that we define ourselves by has the potential to crack and eventually shatter.

It was not until this year that I realised my tendency to let work define me – for a lot of us, we let school define us as students – which is all fine and good until the ‘work’ doesn’t exist anymore. I found myself asking more than once “So who am I?”

The Holy Spirit immediately whispered that I was the child of the Most High God, that is the only aspect of my identity that would never change. I took a deeper study on the topic of identity and eventually settled on the devotional “Imago Dei” by The Gospel Coalition. There I learnt further about who I really am and what really matters. For instance, I learnt that our worth comes from the fact that we are made in the image of God. There is nothing else that is needed to further validate me. My life has meaning all because of the fact that I bear the image of God.

This is a concept I still have to remind myself every day.

We live in a world of value. If people don’t think that you can add anything to them, they’ll keep you at arm’s length and this formula makes sense, I mean, it’s just how the world works. But the value we can give does not mean that’s what makes us valuable.

In the way of God, the world’s formula doesn’t apply because we literally could add nothing to the all-sufficient God and still, He chooses us and loves us unconditionally. That is so humbling. It is also why we have to draw our identity from Him. With God, we do not need to perform or “be” anything, for God, it is enough that He made us.

We live in this world and so it is important that we continue to add value, after all, we like valuable people too but we have to reframe our minds to believe that we are valuable beyond what we can bring to the table.

This is why so many athletes and stars seem to fall apart after they retire or stop doing what they have been known to do. This made me think about Matthew Perry. It hurt me to hear of his death and I’m sure it hurt millions the same way. Matthew was known as Chandler from Friends but he struggled with so many other things that were not what you would think of such a loveable character. Beyond the show, I wish his life hadn’t included so much pain.

Just another example of how we can wrap our sense of self around ephemeral things. It is good to give our all to everything that we do, it is good to intentionally cultivate the value that we hope to offer and it is also good to check our hearts to make sure we haven’t forgotten who we really are.

This year I wrapped myself around the wrong thing, God taught me severally how a seemingly good and innocent thing like work could become an idol. So yes, I am a writer, a sister, a daughter, a lawyer, and a friend but I am also a child of a God who would still love me if I was none of those things.

The lesson on identity is one I hope I never forget; I hope to cling to it no matter the heights I attain and I pray the Holy Spirit never lets me forget no matter who I do or don’t become. I hope it will be a lesson you cling to too.

Featured image credit: https://pin.it/6zU4GAu