On New Beginnings IV: Finally Being Honest

In December, I turned 25. I never talk about my age in public, ever. The reason is simple, I want to avoid the judgment and assessment that comes with people knowing how old you are. I would be judged if I was older and still judged if I was younger. If you are just discovering my age, you are probably judging me right now, not in a bad way of course.

I don’t talk about my age the same way I don’t talk about a lot of things and it’s because the thought of being seen is scary. But, I realise that I have been a hypocrite and frankly, dishonest. I believe one reason for writing is to be seen and beyond that I have promised severally that I was going to go in-depth without really meaning it but this year I mean it. I want my writing to impact people, to touch lives, to stir up something deep in people. In reflecting I discovered that in my life, the people whose writing have done that for me have always bared their soul.

The point of writing is to be seen. Yet, that is such a deep fear that I have. That someone would look at me and know me and be able to see me. But I read another writer’s work on Medium and she talked about how for us as writers the fear of being seen keeps us from actually writing. She said something that struck me, when people read your work, they don’t actually get to know all of you. By writing, even deep, soul-baring writing, I still keep parts of myself. You know I love you guys but I believe there are aspects of self that you keep for actual relationships. But I have learnt that authentic writing is me sharing my thoughts and when you read my thoughts, you are not reading me. I am constantly evolving. So, for the first time, I am actually going to be vulnerable with my writing. I have had impact with my work so far and I am so grateful but I want to do more this year. I want to write things that actually matter so I am starting here.

In December, I turned 25. It’s the first time I have actually felt like I am growing older. I remember when I turned 19, I was afraid because it was the last time I would be a teenager. Then, I turned 20 and I couldn’t remember why I was afraid anymore, I still felt young. But somehow turning 25, I feel time is slowly making it’s way from me. I’ve turned to God and I’ve whispered my fears to Him. What if all my dreams don’t come true? I have seen people plan and their plans come to pass but for me, I’ve always just been carried by His mercies. I stumbled into greatness, I didn’t have any grand plans from the beginning.

I remember telling a group of friends that I didn’t have goals for 2025, only prayer points and that’s because how do you set a goal to travel when you have no money? It’s a lot of ‘God have mercy’ for me this year. Let it be your will and if it’s not, help me not want it. In 2025, I begin with gratitude. By this time last year, I didn’t have a job but look at me now. I am flourishing and I can only be grateful. In 2025, I also begin with desire. God, I am thankful for the quiet, for these early days, I know the loudness is coming, the fullness is coming, the overflow is here.

I want to do a lot of things and discipline is something I struggle with. In 2020, the word I believe I received from God for the year was discipline but as the years continued to go by, I realised that He probably didn’t give me that word for 2020, rather for the rest of my life. We can never accomplish anything without discipline and so that’s my desire, to make plans and stick to it and not stand at the end of the day filled with regret for not following through.

I have many dreams this year and one of those dreams is to reach 100 subscribers. Not 100k, actual 100. Of course, I want to reach 100k but I have been on about 30+ subscribers for a while and I would like that number to get to 100 by July and then I can set more audacious goals then. That’s why I am using Substack now. My previous newsletter platform only allowed people to read the first paragraph of the blog in their email and they would have to come to the blog to read the full thing. I want the blog to grow but I also want my subscribers to conveniently be able to read my blog from the comfort of their inboxes. I’m happy to be starting with Substack this year. The blog will still remain and thrive and I will use Substack as my newsletter platform. It’s a win-win for me.

In 2025, I desire God. It’s one of the truest things I have ever said and yet I know there’s still a way I must express the desire. I must desire God beyond the way I desire sleep, pleasure, friends and food. So, God help me to not be too easily satisfied by the things that the world could ever give me. Let me want you more than anything else. Dear friends, in 2025, let this be your prayer too. If you are struggling, may He give you His grace like He gives me.

In this new year where I am pledging to start afresh and write authentically, I want to invite you to subscribe if you haven’t already by using the button below. Help me reach my goal of 100 subscribers by July, help me touch more people if you have been touched. Thank you so much and welcome to our new season!

Featured Image: Jon Tyson on