You never really know how much love or heartbreak a person could make you feel the first time you meet them. You probably pass by them without giving it a second thought or greet them casually, never knowing how much power they would soon wield over you. Then it happens, that moment when they strike a blow that reverberates across your entire soul and then you remember your first day, your first conversation, your total obliviousness about how your life would never remain the same.
But some of us know; we know just by staring into their eyes that these ones have the power to wreck us. So, we hold ourselves aloof or give ourselves to the relationship anyway, hoping and wishing for the best even though we know better.
To the rest of us who don’t know, we carry on blissfully ignorant because even on days of the greatest tragedies, the Sun rises just like any other day. We never know until we just eventually know how much life is about to change.
I remember the first person that told me about the Coronavirus was my older brother in February 2020. Then, most of Nigeria was still unaware of the brooding pandemic. I remember my response was to tell him about Lassa fever that had been ravaging part of the West where I had just returned from. Later, I would scoff, “Lassa fever” who even remembered the agreeably dangerous disease in the face of the disruptive pandemic.
My point exactly, we never know. We are all a bunch of strangers until we are not. We never know how much we are capable of hurting people until we do. This is because a lot of times we don’t know where people are coming from and how our acts can affect them. For instance, a person from a background where they have been made to feel like their voice doesn’t matter encounters someone who likes to keep silent when annoyed. A day goes by, and the first person passionately tries to air their views and gets nothing in return except for utter silence. It makes them feel unseen and worthless.
I’ve learnt that the secret to any thriving relationship is open communication. Sometimes we hurt people because we don’t know any better but talking about how actions and inactions make us feel can go a really long way. However, what if one or both parties are not willing to communicate? What if you feel like nothing you say will matter or the other person is not willing to hear you out? Lack of communication can hurt and not being heard after you have spoken can hurt even more.
Open communication is absolutely necessary and Dr Gary Chapman notes “Healing does not come with the passing of time. Healing comes when we admit our failures, apologize, and ask forgiveness.”
There are dimensions to heartbreak that each of us has had to deal with over time and I don’t even mean in romantic relationships. You can ask anyone; they’ll tell you that friendship hurts are the deepest.
Maybe heartbreak is inevitable in relationships, I mean we did break the heart of the Person who loved us most. But I believe we get a say in what happens after that. We can choose to heal and we can choose to show grace everywhere we go. What this means is we don’t go out looking for offence at every turn or presuming the worst about people, we still choose to see the good no matter what.
Does this mean we stay away from relationships because of potential heartbreak? Not a chance. We continue to love with our large hearts, never shrinking back from the possibility of a beautiful new connection. Now, I’m not saying it will be easy, all I’m trying to say is that it is possible.
Communication is always key.
Like i was telling someone the other day you just have to put yourself out there for relationships or friendship no matter what.
Thank you for this timely message, Favour. Truly, friendship hurts are the worst, and I have the scars to prove it.😅
Well-done, great work as always.🙌❤️
Hmm what a meaningful ship talk. Yes it’s possible. Thanks to you
Thanks for this wonderful piece Fayyy. I never would want to break anyone’s heart, because the heart is too fragile to be broken. However, embedded in the package of life are heartbreaks from different persons dear to you, nonetheless we must learn to move on and become loveable and flexible.
Thanks once again Fay
Hmmm… It is well sir
This word is really powerful because it is timely, communication matters in relationships and i must say this because I had so many experience about not really opening up in my relationship but I can prove that after I opened up there has been a different.
Nevertheless, friendship heart breaks hurt the most, I never experience it but I have friends that does have such experience.
Thanks my Twinne for sharing this and I really do appreciate your intentionality about writing. God enrich you, you’re going places.
Nice piece twinne
Really, communicating with your partner or one another is the best, had an so much experience on that untill I learnt really how to communicate.
Nevertheless, friendship heart breaks hurt the most I don’t experience such but I have friends that does have such experience.
And that doesn’t mean will have to closeup our heart all in the name of heart breaks will learn more and more how to get better during such period.
This word is really powerful and timely, thanks so much twinne and I really appreciate it. You’re going places my amiable twinne, love your intentionality.
SOAR!
Thank you Favour, for this wonderfully written and well relatable read.
I still remember when I first met him and when I looked into his eyes. You are right, in that moment, I had absolutely no idea what power he will come to have over me and how he would break my heart.
And it hurt, but not up to how I hurt when my friend and I broke each other’s heart.
*heartbreak sucks*
Thank you so much ma
Amazing words here Fayy. Thank you
How do you deal with the scars from previous hurts. The way I do it is to be mindful of how much I open up, to trust only those around me that I can see and talk to. This has turned me to an “out of sight out of mind person….” which hasn’t helped those that truly wanted to have meaningful relationships with me from a distance (Geographically). How do we not let our scars lead us into a cycle of distrust, pain and loneliness whilst dragging others with us.