It begins by first discovering everything you do not want to be. As young adults in our 20s we wake up every day wondering who we are and who we may grow up to be and sometimes those thoughts can get overwhelming especially when we feel like we haven’t accomplished as much as we would like to or as much as other people expect from us. I find that if you keep wondering who you are and can’t seem to discover it, you should begin to identify the kind of person you don’t want to be and before you know it you would have discovered all that you were created to be. It is like this, you have to tell yourself that you don’t want to be a person who can’t commit to anything and then you will be on your way to discovering yourself as a committed person who people can count on and trust in.
Another thing is to understand that a man is made up of his choices. We are essentially the decisions we make and even when it seems like we have no choice, we still can choose the things that will define us. In a world that tells us to act on our feelings, we quickly realize that a life directed by feelings alone will be a life that is tossed to and fro by the winds of life because that is what feelings are, unreliable ship captains. ‘Choices override feelings’ is a notion that must be understood in order for us to take full control of our lives. Feelings are not bad at all and sometimes they serve as a vital tool for us but athletes don’t stop running when they feel tired, they choose to keep going because they know it means victory at the end. Make the choice to always do the right thing, the rewarding thing and the worth-it thing even if it feels difficult.
Peer pressure is real and sometimes it isn’t as overly dramatic as movies make it to be, a person can feel pressured by the people around him/her even without those people saying or doing anything. This brings me to my next point; you don’t have to allow other people’s standards dictate your own. It may be their standard for success or beauty or relationships, whatever it is don’t allow yourself to be pressured into living life on other people’s terms. We tend to get into our heads too much on how life is supposed to look like at a certain age and end up abandoning our own dreams which will eventually lead to unfulfilled lives. The scariest thing I can imagine is to be living another person’s life and find out years later that I am far from where I ought to be. This is what happens a lot of times when we are too afraid to stand on our own or follow the path that we know is meant for us. It is okay to admire people and want to take similar steps to make your life better but you owe yourself the duty to remain true to you.
It is often said that one’s worst critic is one’s self and this is not necessary a bad thing as it will allow you to take note of your flaws and know how you can improve on them. You have to be careful however, not to make an enemy out of yourself. Be patient with yourself is what I’m saying, you are growing and you will definitely make mistakes along the way so it is important that you forgive yourself when you do, learn from it and move on. Don’t wallow when you do the wrong things and start condemning or saying negative things about yourself, nobody ever grows that way. Take deep breaths every day and accept that because you’re human, you will sometimes make bad choices, accept this and determine to do better but leave the condemnation behind.
Another thing you will find useful is to listen within. This isn’t the same thing as letting your feelings dictate everything you do rather I am referring to an inner conviction that you get when taking steps or when you fail to. As a Christian, this is largely the ministry of the Holy Spirit because He is a guide who informs and corrects and when you are really in tune with Him, your life becomes seamless. It is important to look out for that inner conviction as we go through life as it can save us a lot of stress and pains. In relationships this is often known as red flags and the consensus is that most people tend to ignore these red flags early on which sometimes lead to more than broken hearts. When making a decision and all you sense is turbulence within you, it might be best to hold on for a while and pray over it and if need be, come up with a new plan.
This brings me to my last point, in the quest to find yourself; it is okay to change your mind. If there is anything I have learnt in my life so far is that I am probably going to change my mind about things. Not some important things though because there are things you make up your mind about and you hold on to it forever like loving your family or loving God or treating people with respect everywhere you go. However there are things you may change your mind about and that is okay. For instance, I have been saying for the longest time how I wanted to be the president of my country and I woke up one day and discovered I didn’t even like politics and just like that, mind changed. That is what growing up is all about, discovering and rediscovering who you are. Maybe one day I will become president, but definitely not of a country.
I am writing this for myself because as someone in her 20s, I am constantly discovering myself and making up my mind on who I want to be and as a Christian, the work is practically all done, we just have to know who God says we are and choose to work in the reality of it. So from one sojourner to another, see you on the other side of what it looks like to have found yourself.
This blog post first appeared on LinkedIn.com