To the Moon and Back

PC told me that she didn’t like connecting with a lot of people because it always hurt too much when they eventually had to go their separate ways. She told me how she had a really good friend and how they had bonded over almost everything. Eventually, it was time for PC’s friend to leave the NYSC scheme as her mandatory one year was over. PC was heartbroken. She told me distance and casual friendships were better.

To a very large extent I understand PC. It hurts too much to let people go and I think it is especially hurtful when they leave a place you both were and you are the only one who remains. I’m also talking about the more permanent way we let people go, when they die. I really do understand what PC means but I wonder if it’s worth it. I mean is keeping yourself from hurt worth never making beautiful connections? There’s a reality we have to contend with as human beings and it is the fact that people leave. When I was in secondary school, my principal would always say that 20 friends cannot play together for 20 years. To be honest, I felt he was being overly dramatic but as I have grown, I have come to see the truth in his assertion. You spend 4 years and maybe more with your group of friends and boom, one day it is all over and you go your separate ways.

I first contended with the reality of letting people go at the end of secondary school and then university and so by the time law school was coming to a close, I had already braced myself for the familiar feelings that came with separation. It wasn’t easy of course but I don’t believe shutting our hearts from making connections is the solution. Sometimes, even when someone is just going on a long trip and you know you are going to see soon, it could still be really difficult. Missing people while they are still around is also another level.

What to do then? I believe we have to learn how to let people go. Realising that we need to let them go so they can fulfil God’s divine plans for their lives seems to me like a good motivation. Imagine if our parents hadn’t released us to go to school! I’m sure it was hard for them. I mean, they had been there from our very first breath, we had spent our lives eating their food and taking up space in their lives and suddenly we are all grown and what to go off on our own. It must have been really hard but yet they let us go because they know our life is bigger than them.

People usually need to leave so they can enter into the next phase of their destiny and while it can be downright heart wrenching, we need to learn to let them go. It’s okay to miss people and even be sad that they aren’t around anymore but let’s never stop them when we know it’s time for them to spread their wings.

Keeping ourselves from making connections isn’t a good alternative at all. Imagine I didn’t open up myself to my awesome friends in university because I had been hurt in secondary school. Imagine all the wonderful moments I would have missed out on! The sad but true truth is that one day every moment would turn into a memory. I often would wish that I could capture moments in a bottle and take them everywhere with me but it’s not just possible. We can only be present and bask in the moments as they come but any attempt to hold unto them would be futile. We shouldn’t also focus on the past because it will prevent us from fully enjoying the future and before you know it you will be sad that you missed out on amazing moments just because you were stuck in the past.

Just as surely as change is inevitable so also can it be hurtful but sometimes, we need to lean into those feelings and accept them instead of trying to run away from them or trying to avoid them altogether. That’s not the best way to live. We have to acknowledge that life hurts sometimes but I guess that’s what makes it life. Our options are to enjoy life as it comes or run away from anything that may likely cause us pain. I would rather choose the latter because if not we may find ourselves running forever.

So yes, I love you to the moon and back but I realise that things won’t always be the same with us. I’m going to enjoy every bit of the moment though and when things eventually change, I’ll trust the sweet Holy Ghost to carry me through.