Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy and girl sail off into the sunset to live happily ever after. I however wonder what happened to the countless other stories that never worked out before the one that did. Don’t get me wrong, I, too believe that it’s your present that matters but I think there are some stories about our past that greatly influence us in our present.
Not every relationship that fails has to be a sad thing but like most things in life, we realise this in hindsight. Sometimes a person can be really great but that doesn’t necessarily make them YOUR person and so things naturally don’t work out no matter how hard you want them to.
Matters of the heart are intricate things, there’s no one size fits all narrative because we’re all different and so we see the world differently. We have different expectations; our backgrounds shape us in different ways and so our desires are communicated differently too. We meet someone and while sparks fly, our dreams and hopes for our lives are still present and so they greatly influence our decision on love. For some, these things are non-negotiables and the relationship ends but for some these things don’t matter as much and so love prevails.
For many, there are parts of our lives that are never known, the untold stories of our hearts if you like. Whether we realise it or not, these stories shape us and may even touch our happily ever afters. We all want a happy ending and maybe the ending is all that matters but our choices will determine the state of our lives when we get there.
What would you say is your major determinant for choosing a partner? Is it the chemistry? Looks? Money? Career? Tribe? Or are you more of a “go with the flow” kind of person? I propose there should be a higher factor that we should consider. Because we all know feelings aren’t reliable, looks change, money cannot buy happiness, your job doesn’t determine your worth, and tribe is a poor determinant too.
What about purpose? You know, that thing that drives your life? I think that purpose is a pretty good factor to be considered. It may sound unromantic but we both know life isn’t anything Hollywood says it is, our mind still works when our heart is falling in love. I know purpose won’t be the first thing on your mind when you see someone you like but it will help you in making the big decision on whether you should take the big step or not. That’s why they say that just because a person is great doesn’t mean you should date them. So, how can you choose based on purpose if you don’t know what your purpose is yet? That’s the reason some relationships end because down the line someone finds out something about themselves that they didn’t know before and now wish to explore.
So, while we agree that we are all figuring out this life one day at a time, our hearts should be fixed on our eternal purpose, that is, to live for Christ. With this purpose in mind, our choices become a little bit narrower and maybe even easier. All I’m trying to say I guess is that life doesn’t always go as planned and that’s okay because it could turn out even better than planned. We just keep learning every day and maybe one day, everything will finally make sense.
Photo by Mayur Gala on Unsplash
This was a great read. I have so many questions though… Lol.
Ask away!
If you hold on to the fact that it doesn’t go as planned but it turns out better than planned..then you should be alright.
Very good way of looking at it
Great write up Fay!
I always hope that from one-day until forever, I will find my happy ever after. I consider purpose to be a top factor in my search.
I’m rooting for you 🥊