Confessions of a chronic dreamer.
It’s August, so I’m a bit late in doing a mid year review but how are you? I like to check in intermittently with my readers to get a sense of what life is like for them. I don’t get a lot of responses of course but I hope the question gets you to reflect on your end.
When I’m asked, like really asked, how I’m doing, I usually don’t know what to say. On one hand, I’m doing great, I’m in a really good place but somehow I feel like the question is demanding more from me and I begin to think, how am I doing really?
I will often answer with what I’m currently working on. For instance, an application or a project or a recent thought. Beyond that I don’t know what to say. Of course I do but there are some thoughts that you cannot share no matter how much you want to.
It’s either not my secret to share or I’m unsure of the appropriateness of sharing. So I wonder, are you able to tell one person at any point, how you truly are?
Another thing I’m trying to fight against is the lure of tomorrow’s promises. I just entered a season of dreams: a time where I’m making different plans and anticipating their success. I really want to find contentment in today because I’m afraid that tomorrow is just an elusive concept.
I try to encourage myself that this is my biggest dream so maybe it’s okay to yearn for it so much that all my other life experiences seem to pale in comparison. But even if that’s true, it can’t be the last dream I ever dream. That means, when I get it, what next?
I don’t want to spend my life in an endless dream state. I want to be able to hope for things tomorrow while fully living today. So I’m fighting myself to not think of my current season as transitional. To not believe that I will only begin to truly live when my heart gets what it desires.
There are many times that I struggle to articulate my thoughts but I think I’ve done a good job of describing how I’m doing in this moment. I’m happy and fighting for contentment. I can’t wait for my dreams to come true but bigger than that, I hope I’m always able to see that they have already.
Here’s to the ember months.
Photo credit: Izzy Lamb on Pinterest.