On Disappointment:
The way a dream usually works is that you imagine a future with the particular outcome you desire. What happens when that dream doesn’t come true? Suddenly, you are living in a present that you never imagined. It’s a little bit jarring; you didn’t plan for this, and so you find yourself in different phases of disorientation. Finally, you begin to accept the new reality, but sometimes, you feel the weight of what could have been. In the aftermath of disappointment, there are two paths forward. Path one involves you continually holding on to the shards of the broken dream, remaining in a perpetual state of despair. The second path is the one most travelled; we get new dreams.
On Expectations:
PIE tells a funny story of just before they went off to start the Abuja campus, a particular couple had been so distraught by the news to the extent that he felt like changing his mind. He eventually leaves Lagos for Abuja, and a short while later, the same couple tell him that they have successfully processed their visas and will be moving overseas. The story is humorous because of its irony. Imagine if he had allowed sentiment and foregone his move only to discover that the people he thought would miss him so much had already planned a move of their own. I bring this up today because people are often well-meaning, but you can’t let them dictate your life. I made a decision a couple of years ago to pivot from the traditional legal path. I can’t tell you how many people have asked me to rethink my decision, and I understand. Law is an entire ecosystem, and I studied for years to achieve it, so it can feel like a waste. Those comments used to get me; I used to wonder if I was making a mistake. The thing is that I wasn’t feeling that way because I genuinely doubted the path that I was on, but because I wanted to please the people who told me I should choose something else. It was recently that I decided that I had to insist on my own way. That’s life at the end of the day, we should offer counsel to people, but allow the decision to be theirs. My new path is paying off, but even if it wasn’t, I would hope my friends and family would be there to support me, and most importantly, I would always be happy that I got to choose my own path.
On the Insistence of New:
In Netflix’s The Crown, there’s an episode where Prince Phillip realises that he is having a midlife crisis and starts a support group with other middle-aged men. I’m nowhere near middle age, but I do think that we can experience mini midlife crises throughout our lives. What I mean is getting to a place where you feel confronted by your life and just feeling like your life is not moving in the right direction. How do you handle those moments? I think sometimes all we may need is a mindset shift. It may be that you are subconsciously (or consciously!) comparing yourself with other people to the extent that you can’t see reasons to be grateful for your life. The truth is, sometimes it’s not that deep; your life is pretty great, you have just forgotten! Othertimes, it’s really that deep, things are truly going wrong. For me, and I would advise for you too, I just sit with God. My mind is full, and I don’t have the words, and I sleep off, but I sit with God. He created me, He loves me, and I lean on Him to fix me and my life.
Addedum:
There’s an Igala song my mum sang over me when I recently experienced a disappointment (translated below because I can’t spell in Igala hehehe). I hope it comforts you, too.
The things I don’t understand, that overwhelm me
God can surmount them all
And what hurts me, I’ll go and tell it to Jesus.
Photo credit: Jon Tyson on Unsplash