Here I Stand

There was a time in my life when I wondered if I could get a job as a professional tv watcher. Yes, you read that right. Not a movie reviewer or even a critic but someone who just watched movies.

The thing is, that was a phase when I kept wondering what I would do with my life and every inspirational speaker always advised us to look inward and start with the things we were good at. Well, it didn’t feel like I was good at anything, except watching tv of course.

I thank God those days are behind me now and today I feel a lot more focused. This blog post was inspired by a conversation I had with my sister about talents and giftings. I have been blessed with awesome friends and it used to feel like everyone was good at something except me. They were good entrepreneurs or loved making hair or could sew, bake or cook and there was me, my entire goal was tv watching!

I now see that life is about timing and that’s why it’s often called a journey. I struggled a lot while growing up trying to figure out my life and while I’m still figuring it out, I’m farther along than I used to be. My experiences have humbled me and I’m thankful for them. It feels like it took me twice the time it took other people but I’m here today and I’m doing great. So, I thank God.

Back to talents and gifts. I believe every single human being has something inside of them that’s their gift or talent. I think the issue is that sometimes our gifts aren’t conventional and so it’s harder to acknowledge them. Do you know being an encourager is a gift? I know right, mindboggling! But what we know is singers, artists and the like. So, people go through life wondering what their purpose in the world is.

I wish I could give you a roadmap on how to figure things out but I can’t because I’m still pretty much figuring it out myself. I’m just a girl putting all my hope in my God and trusting Him to work everything out for my good. But what I will say is give it time, and things will fall into place. Also, fight for any sliver of light that you can glimpse.

I often feel like I’m fighting for this my writing ‘gift’. The gift is in quotation marks because I didn’t always feel that way about writing. In secondary school, I wrote rap and music lyrics based on whatever mood I was in, in university, I wrote for a local newspaper and stopped because it was too much work and I wrote occasionally when I was in my feelings. Then Covid 19 came and I wrote for money.

My writing has been sporadic and based on my feelings and a lot of times I wasn’t even sure if I liked doing it. I also pondered on what role it played in my life in terms of a career and I struggled with feeling like I was just another stereotype. A law student who writes, what could be more typical? So, this is why I said you probably will need to fight. It may not feel like it all the time but when you know it’s worth it, you just need to fight.

I’m not saying do something you don’t love because I love writing and I get fulfilment from it but sometimes even the things you love the most can weary you. Take athletes, for instance, sometimes they get tired but they fight to show up still.

I hope you know you’re special to God and He loves you no matter what whether you are currently watching tv all day like I used to do or you have life all figured out. The only thing is to remember that there’s a destiny for you to fulfil and you need to ask God to have His way and to make you everything He is calling you to be. Also, whether you feel like it or not, you do have gifts and talents just waiting to be discovered. In the meantime, give your all to life and seek God’s face!

Featured image: Photo by Rhamely on Unsplash

Here I stand

Hopeful and believing

Trusting and longing

For my change to come.