A close friend of mine got married this September, and my first university bunkmate’s child turned one. I saw all this, and I was suddenly overcome by a wave of nostalgia. How did we get here? I still remember cooking Indomie from a kettle with these girls, laughing about the boys we liked, studying deep into the night for courses we probably no longer remember.
I heard it this way once: “The days are long, but the years are short.” My pastor said this about his daughter. He still remembers the day she was born, but suddenly, somehow, she’s a three-year-old now. Life is fascinating. When we were young girls, we used to dream of what life as an adult would look like, but now that it’s unfolding, it feels very surreal. I think it’s even more surreal standing on the outside and witnessing the growth of people you used to be girls with. Because when you aren’t experiencing the same thing, it can really feel like girlhood has continued for you, without the hostels and kettle Indomie, of course.
It’s very much the Peter Pan tension, or maybe it’s not a tension? Peter Pan is a character who didn’t want to grow up. It’s a different thing if growing up, in terms of marriage and children, hasn’t happened for you yet. If there’s something I have learnt about seasons over and over again, it is this: we can’t insist that they last forever.
I remember standing in different seasons and being so sure they were the best place ever! But we’ve only ever known today and yesterday, so the assumption about tomorrow was already flawed. I think it boils down to the loss aversion theory, which basically means that we feel the pain of losing something twice as much as the joy of gaining something that is equivalent. It’s why many people are afraid of trying new things. What’s that saying? “The devil you know…”
I’ve written about this extensively this year because it’s a fresh lesson I’m having to relearn myself. Life, by its very nature, teaches us that the show must go on. In Peter Pan, it was fun to play and go on adventures when they were all children, but the other kids grow up, and he refuses to do the same, stuck in the endless circle of what was. Peter Pan is an anomaly; he is not somebody we want to be.
I miss girlhood. I miss the carefree days that we didn’t realise in the moment were actually carefree. I miss the euphoria of emergence and discovery. But that is all. I miss it, yes, but I wouldn’t go back to it if given a chance, because growing up is fun too. I’m thankful for the marriages and the babies; they have added more colour to my life than I could have imagined. It’s why I look forward to tomorrow; it’s why we all should. Let the beauty of today teach our hearts to joyously embrace tomorrow instead of trying to hold on to seasons past.
So, maybe you’re like me, looking in and seeing your friends grow. It’s okay to be content today while longing for tomorrow because “Even if you are not ready for the day, it cannot always be night.”
Image by Tilixia-Summer from Pixabay.