You’ve heard the analogy. The first time you saw people of the same gender in a romantic relationship, you were appalled. It was the most heartbreaking thing you had ever witnessed, but five years later, it’s in almost every show you watch, and now you don’t even blink. Worse, some people begin to wonder if it’s really “that bad”.
It is fascinating how influence works. The very essence of influence is that you do not know when it is happening, only that it has happened. For a social media generation, influence has never been more pervasive. I mean, people have full-time jobs as influencers. So, in some ways, it is clear. They are intentionally working hard to get you to buy certain products or live your life in a certain way.
But how about the ones we never see coming? Think about it: the opinions you currently hold, where did they come from? Your first mistake will be to think that they are uniquely yours. Every one of us is essentially a bundle of lived experiences and our environment. This essay is not an argument against influence, as everyone will be influenced by something. It is, however, a call to be more discerning about seductions that seem perfectly safe and logical but harm us in the long run.
I will take marriage as a case study because, as I wrote last time, it’s the season a lot of people are in currently. There seems to be a proliferation of a school of thought where being single is championed and marriage and children are framed as burdens.
Let’s be honest. It is great that singlehood is being embraced, especially after many years when society tried to tie a person’s worth, especially women, to their relationship status. A person ought to be able to be single and know they are complete and can fulfil their destiny joyously. Not everyone will marry, and that is perfectly legitimate. If you are a Christian, you know Jesus is the only person who can truly satisfy you; even married people can affirm this.
The danger I’m seeing, however, is where we promote singleness because of the convenience it offers. Don’t get me wrong, it is incredibly convenient being single. You don’t have to answer to anyone or consider anyone when making decisions. Relationships take work. But my question is: do we want to be a generation of people who shy away from relationships because of the inconvenience they bring?
Humans are selfish by nature and it is in relationships that we actively work to overcome this tendency. If, however, the prevalent wind blowing through our time insists that we embrace that selfishness, what would that mean for our future?
The truth is I don’t have an answer to that question. I, myself, have been tempted by the spirit of the age, but even if I don’t know anything else, I know this can’t be right. It is so much easier to stay away from people and live life on a surface level by having shallow, low-commitment relationships, but at what cost?
By all means, don’t let society pressure you into defining your life by your relationship status, as that is another extreme. But examine your motives closely and discern how much you are being influenced by the superficial focus of our clime. It’s okay to remain single if you genuinely have a call like the great Apostle Paul, but if your motive is fear of vulnerability, or of rejection or just the inconvenience of it all, I would invite you to think again: at what cost?
I hope we don’t find the answer by our own experience.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves