Do you find that some things are too painful to talk about, even with yourself? You know something hurts terribly and yet you can’t seem to find the words and this is not because you suddenly forgot all those English lessons you took back in school. Lack of words is not the problem at all instead you feel all the pain and anger sitting so heavily on your chest that there is no way you could say anything even if you wanted to. It is one thing when a conversation is too difficult to have with other people but what of the ones you avoid having with yourself? The thoughts are too heavy that you constantly try to distract yourself, the grief too heavy to bear.
It’s okay if you can’t relate to what I’m saying because sometimes we deliberately avoid moments and experiences that have the ability to sear our souls or wound us but when you have a moment like the one I’m describing, you will know. Is it the death of a loved one? Is it your health or even just a crushing disappointment? There are moments that seem to suck the air out of our lives, it is in those moments that we can truly understand what people mean by their world came crashing down.
But what can you do in those moments? When the pain is so unbearable that you don’t want to think about it or talk about it. You just want to forget, you just want to move on. Do you bury the grief deep down and try to move on, do you hope it will go away on its own; do you seek the comfort of loved ones? Do you contemplate death?
No doubt this world often comes with grief that is too much for humans and yet day by day, we hear horror stories of tragedy happening to people and more than that, we have an understanding of our own. What is the solution? One thing I know is that pain not properly dealt with will hang over you and potentially colour every decision you make. It can affect relationships with people and it can cripple your ability to live fully. You were never meant to go through life just coping or making it day to day, you were meant to strive not survive.
The pains of the world remain as a sharp reminder of our limitations and frailty as humans, always capable of being touched by forces outside our control. Time does not really heal, it may reduce the pain to a dull throb and make us forget but it will still be there, painful and crippling. Time does not heal but Jesus does. I know you may not understand why He allows the pains and disappointments in the first place, I don’t have the answers either but I know He is a God that comforts us in all our troubles.
When the disciples were facing the storm of their lives to the point that they thought they would die, where was Jesus? He was asleep, in the same boat with them. I heard a pastor talk about it once and I have held it close to me since then. When it feels like life is taking you for a spin that you did not ask for and when you feel you may drown, know that God is with you and for you. Yes in those darkest moments of deep almost soul-drowning sorrow, Jesus is right there and as long as you have Him in your boat, know you will not drown and that He will calm all your storms.
One thing that we must hold on to almost desperately is the fact that God is good and that no matter what He will work everything out for our good. If we can believe that and know it to be true, our faith will remain intact and we will be able to still thank Him when it feels like He may have abandoned us. Jesus says “come to me o ye that are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest” (paraphrase, Matthew 11:28) and so no matter what, know you can tell it to Jesus. You may not be able to talk about it with anybody else and even yourself but tell it to Jesus. He will carry you through. He will bring you out; He will totally and absolutely heal you from your pain. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, 7:6 says God comforts us in all our troubles and only a person that is with us can truly comfort us and so this is our assurance that God is with us and will never leave us alone.
I can’t make sense of all the horrors in the world both the ones I hear on the news and in my personal life and I know asking those questions can only sometimes make one upset. All I know is that I can count on God. Sometimes I wonder how people who don’t believe in God live. This world is too painful to do it with our own power or on our own. We must constantly rely on God who is able to deliver us from all messes even the ones we create. Jesus cares and I hope you will be brave enough to cry to Him because He is waiting for your call, He will comfort you, heal you, give you the strength you don’t have and He will bring you out.
So those conversations that are too painful to have are a reality but so is the help that is readily available in God.